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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2002.03.08  00.24 excavating... i'm filling up holes holes i have made, other people's holes, holes upon holes.... caverns, pits, crevasses, trenches, rifts, faultlines. little did i know when i begun this task that they were all bottomless. i can shovel all of my dirt into every single one and there will still be the biggest hole, remaining, yawning. every voltless little death is nothing more than another sad grapple a failed attempt to breathe a wisp of life back into this long and lanky corpse that stretches the length of the cold slab between... She and me.

	2002.02.14  00.42 too many things that are difficult to reflect upon... 3 companions in 3 days, 3 off my list, 3 discarded with disinterest, all of which have left me tepid. a fire went out that i hadn't noticed was smouldering. paralysis has been intense, several times a night now. i'd like to schedule a therapy session to deal with it, though i'm not sure if she'll see me now, all things considered, and i don't feel like dealing with finding someone new just yet. i realize that i live in a glass house, but the time to throw rocks is growing nigh anyhow. strange how one often doesn't actually recognize something's worth until someone steals it from you. i've an appointment with my lawyer next week to discuss the drawing up of my will. life will kill me sooner or later and the estate is one thing over which i possess control.

	2002.02.09  20.38 i, detritus found a letter on the doorstep when i went out for smokes just now... ...She's never coming home again.

	2002.02.09  12.34 drama-matic drama just abounded at the Usual last night. egad. it appears i must cross R. off my list. too bad, given that of a list of people who simply must be fucked, the top spot was occupied by that name. it seems that little cowardly pile of bones P. has somehow apparently weaseled her way into the spot of "R.'s girlfriend," and that seems to imply "to the exclusion of all else" in this case. bother. so pathetic. every time i speak to her (P.) these days she goes deadeyed. can't believe i had the poor judgement to at one time be interested in her, lo these many years ago. R. actually physically shoved me against a wall, simply because i 'dared' to speak to P. that was a laugh. two skinny faggots about to engage in fisticuffs, how ridiculous. on a calmer note, i've decided i don't like this icicle hair color after all. white, lavender, ice blue, i feel like a grandmother's bathroom decor. i'm going back to the whole fuchsia/red/pink theme i believe. of course, there's only 2 hairstylists in this town who can do my hair the way i want, B. and P. (different P.). i am now somewhat regretting She and i having been so cruel to B. that one time (though she was and remains a moron about the whole 'alcoholic on the anti-drug high horse' trip), since she did do such a good job with the hair changeover the first time. of course, after last night it seems P. is more than willing to do the new 'do for me...indeed, she hasn't left yet. perhaps we can schedule an appointment before she does. i wish i knew what'd happened to rasa, given that i'd assumed she was going to come home with P. & i...she disappeared before the club closed, though... perhaps she met someone new. or perhaps she knows already what an airhead P. is when she's using her mouth for talking, and just wanted some peace and quiet. egad, if it weren't for this hair conundrum and my already having alienated B., i'd have called her a cab already. the girl's like an empty jewelry box. lovely on the outside, but when you lift up the lid to peek inside, not only is there nothing in there, but there's also this incessant tinny repetitive racket coming out. ugh....anyhow. hopefully soon She'll come home, P. will leave--or, P. will leave, and She'll come home--and everything will be fine. & we can laugh about it because it will be funny then instead of teethgritty.... Mood: irritated

	2002.02.05  09.16 ritual de lo habitual..... good god i'm getting sick of the same old same-old. same old clubs. same old music. same old people. same old drugs. same acquaintances. same enemies. same girlfriend. same old sex, even when it's with different people, since they all look the same by now. same old thrills. (is something even still thrilling when it's become commonplace?) same old Issues. same old 'drama'. nothing new. nothing different. nothing dangerous. nothing out of the ordinary. nothing exciting. nothing terrifying. nothing absorbing. must i turn into a cliche and begin skydiving, bungee jumping, parasailing, bullfighting...? i've heard of a new bathhouse...which just leaves me tepid. i hear opium may surface this month...*yawn*. D has dared me to go tricking with him in the redlight, but that strikes me as distinctly uninteresting and unnecessary. a $100 alcove blowjob is only exciting if $100 is a lot of money. and if all i want is an ugly fuck, i certainly don't have to go all the way to chinatown to find that. egad. i look around and everything disgusts me. bores me. something has to change soon. i'm being slowly impaled on the dull spike of apathy.

	2002.02.01  22.23 no surprises here... Which David Bowie are you? icicles crusting every surface here...the trees are amazing looking. got a new hat today, quite dashing in a queer sort of way. debating whether to go to the Usual tonight...it's a friday, but i simply abhor the event they have running. she really wants to get out of the house, though, pulling at my arm, leading me astray. perhaps i will just close my eyes and think of england....

	2002.01.28  20.12 very serious questions when did goth kids stop wearing pixie boots and winklepickers, in favor of these clydesdale-sized platforms they've all got on now? nowadays if i see someone in those once-tired-old 6-skull-buckle boots, or those ankle-high monkstrap 'pickers, i get practically weepy. at what point did blush become pass? and tragically retro? i so miss the look of card-edge blush as a makeup element, especially in colors like blue and purple and raspberry.... what possesses perfectly interesting, fun, intelligent, intriguing, witty people to date insipid, boring, airheaded yoyos? (specifically, a onetime friend of mine is fast becoming a passing acquaintance due to the omnipresence of his intolerably vapid girlfriend...) who eats fast food on a regular basis? i have no problem with fast food, no put-on snobbery about it; indeed, sometimes i crave it and nothing tastes better. i simply cannot understand how one can eat it more than on a rare, occasional basis, with the high grease/fat factor... a woman i see on my afternoon walk every day is invariably eating from a bag of burger king food. every day. i'm surprised she can stay seated on the park bench without slipping off, what with how much grease she must have in her body as a result. what if i am nothing more than someone's tulpa?

	2002.01.26  12.06 if you must throw up with your morning hangover, i recommend doing so in the shower. convenient if any gets on you, and it's really mostly water anyhow. i think she is getting sick of my shenanigans. she left me at the Usual last night, though i was beyond intoxicated and pretty much out of control. i don't mind not being in control, as long as someone else is. utter misdirection is intolerable. perhaps i allowed myself to trust her to take control, and in fact that no longer interests her... thank god darkhaired Bosie was there...i haven't slept in an alcove in a long time, but i might've done so had he not shown up...

	2002.01.25  18.55 i saw the most beautiful girl today, as i was walking through brattle square near the bus stop. she had long wavy black hair...lots of it...and a purple coat. she had some type of palsy, walked with those arm-braced crutches, the whole left side of her face and body trembled and shook and jerked at random, sporadic times. this was not what made her attractive. the spaces in between the tremors was, in the way that a mother giving birth is beautiful in the respite between contractions, or the dying can be lovely in between spasms of pain. i told her she was beautiful and she told me to fuck off. i insisted that i was sincere, offered to take her to dinner, and she spat in my face, called me a bastard or a pervert. perhaps i am.

	2002.01.21  21.17 she bought me two books as gifts today. Making Faces by Kevyn Aucoin and Dick Smith's Do-It-Yourself Monster Makeup by (surprisingly) Dick Smith. she claims i need a hobby... which i suppose i do. considering that at present my days all bleed together into a blurred smear of sex, drugs, and baroque (salted with the occasional gay dancebeat or weepy twirly goth dirge)... and it is true, i am terrbily fond of spending hours on end, doing my own and others' makeup. so, today perhaps i will engage in some experimentation with makeup artistry..... Mood: creative Music: Yaz -- Only You

	2002.01.17  20.42 the girlfriend and the therapist... i said i'd write more on this later, so i guess i really should do so. the readers' digest version is this: She and i went to a party at B's, a party to which i had invited M., my sleep therapist, at our last appointment. M. is a lovely creature, doesn't get out much, could stand a hard fuck and a thick cheeseburger. unfortunately she's not interested in anything with a cock. i thought the party might afford her an opportunity to meet some other girls-who-like-girls. who she met, it turned out, was my girlfriend. which, in truth, was perfectly fine with me at the time, as i was finally making some headway in my relentless pursuit of blonde-haired Bosie. the low point of the evening was when i bought what were theoretically a couple rolls of E, but turned out to be fairly high-dosage downers. the last thing i remember was lying on the bed in the play room with Bosie... came to the next day at home in bed with the girl... M. was dressing, leaving. whispering some medical advice bullshit on recovering from an alcohol/downer cocktail, pressing her hand on my cheek checking my temperature, to my neck for my pulse, smelling of rasa... businesslike. unabashed. almost sisterly.... and. she's been acting strangely since. rasa, i mean. colder? shy? cringing a bit perhaps, shrinking into herself, or away from me... or perhaps i am reading into it. she may have saved my life...does that scare her, that she cultivated that debt from me? i don't know. i can't ask. ah, and i almost forgot. my aforementioned stalker was there, as well. she seems to have quite the limp and flaccid grip on reality. she accosted me in the living room before the party even really got going at all, i barely spoke to her, and she fainted. pathetic. bizarre. uncompelling. ... i feel as if i'm at the very top of the last crest of the rollercoaster ride, the moment where you look out over the entire park and time freezes for just a moment, a moment that seems like an age sometimes, the brief instant in which you can see all the people like ants, the cars like beetles, the let-go balloon swimming up toward the clouds, the moment right before the last plunge that will rip you open and spill your guts out into the cold biting wind. that is how i feel right this second. heal me.

	2002.01.16  01.54 http://www2.friendtest.com/viewquiz.php?account=hyp3

	2002.01.14  01.13 how amusing... I'm beautiful, and I may pretend to be bitchy but I'm really not. Everything's part of an image that you have to present to the world. Find out which J-rocker you are here by miyabi!! >D In other news, the girlfriend finally met the therapist. And i lost consciousness before the fireworks. Egad. More on this later....

	2002.01.03  21.38 i won the argument about my anorexia. but, what did my eating diary really tell me? quite obviously that i'm a raging alcoholic (the week of xmas to new year's perhaps not being the best time for such an analysis, but it wasn't so atypical really). that i seem to prefer vodka or tequila these days, instead of whiskies or bourbons. that i tend toward spicy food. interesting. i have apparently acquired a stalker, a girl with whom i had i believe a two night stand some time ago. she's rather gauche about it, and seemingly sees nothing unusual or creepy in messaging me regarding facts of my life she can only have dug up through some sleuthing.... it's funny, really; i suspected she'd turn into the stalker type when i, apathystruck by the yawnsome demonstration of her fishflop zipless-fuck techniques, 'cast her aside for my present girlfriend'. however, she was only the c'mon-let's-do-it horny-obsessive type for perhaps one or two more um-no run-ins, before she turned vindictive...or, rather, what she probably perceives as vindictive. she's begun asking me supposedly 'cruel' questions...don't i feel any guilt for surviving my parents? for spending the inheritance as i do? don't i wonder if they can see me now, the things i do, wouldn't they be ashamed....? whatever. pathetic. as if these aren't questions therapists and counsellors and teachers and relatives asked millions of times over the past decade and a half. as if they are somehow going to hurt me now, coming from some pathetic slut of a girl. as if they belie anything more than how much *she* has allowed herself to be hurt by a casual encounter's unwillingness to develop a more meaningful relationship. if i block her from messaging me, she'll be forced to either fuck off, or attempt to fuck with me out somewhere at a club. so, there's my solution, as either of those are preferable to this tedium.

	2002.01.01  23.39 pinned beneath a crushing boulder of a hangover... ...barely feel like moving today, much less writing anything. however, i have this absurd dedication to my eating diary, and was too obliterated during the last half of yesterday to make my usual entry. sad, no? my last meal(s) of the year (i.e., what i ate yesterday): chips and salsa, 2 small chorizo al flambada soft tacos, a cup of coffee, 2 glasses of water, a vegetarian corn dog, 2 vodka oranginas, 6 redbull vodkas, 2 mind erasers (split with friends), 2 glasses of revoltingly cheap champagne, and 3 stoli vanilla colas. egad. no wonder i feel like chipped beef on toast. my first meal(s) of the year (i.e., what i ate today): a cup of cream of chicken soup, a garlic bagel, a cup of broccoli cheese soup, a vegetarian corn dog, a serving of garlic parmesan chicken, a serving of bread stuffing, a cup of ephedra tea, 8 glasses of water, and a shot of hair-of-the-dog.

	2001.12.30  23.53 obligatory food listing... ...i didn't forget. i am actually surprised i've remembered to catalogue this every day, and it's almost over... so without further ado: in addition to the yogurt i mentioned earlier, i also had a serving of baked beans with ground beef, 1 small biscuit, 2 glasses of water, 2 egg nogs with jameson, a bag of butter popcorn, a vitamin C tablet, 5 vegetarian 'chicken' nuggets with ketchup, and 4 orangina gins.

	2001.12.30  16.31 next to the last day of the year... what will the coming year bring? egad, who knows. (Aside: i wound up drinking 4 more vodka/sodas last night, and kiana's party featured some sort of lovely fried hors d'oevers things, of which i ate a countless number. and then there was the X that we ate, but i'm not sure if she wants me counting that in this nutritional record. for what it's worth, all i've had today was a cup of fruit yoghurt.) the past year was much like most every year since i left boarding school and came of age to inherit, boring. one long struggle with overwhelming boredom and apathy. with the exception of my continuing liaison with her... i don't think i've allowed myself to be involved with any one person for this long since C.N., and he hardly counts, as i wasn't developmentally in a position to really choose my involvement with him. it's strange to think, i've chased people for longer than i've been with her... we've really only been involved since mid august, four and a half months... it took me nearly twice that to coax P home, and so many still left on my list.... blondehaired bosie, for whom circumstance seems to be my biggest preventative obstacle... M, for whom no amount of my effeminacy can apparently surmount her devotion to the sapphic lifestyle... C...i was so very close...and i've not forgotten about him. i've not seen him out, and seeking him out outside of the club isn't a very high priority right now... N, for whom i still occasionally feel a pang of regret. what if i'd chosen him that night, instead of her. yes, arguably, i chose them both, but it was her i followed away from that conflagration... what if i'd let her leave alone? stayed with him instead? might he be the one living here, sharing my meals and bed and christmas morning? and where would she be now in that otherworld? dead or still dying? saved by a different samaritan? what if, indeed. and R...my my. that creature consumes me every time we encounter one another. like an edible flower...bitter and sweet, delicate, exotic, fascinating, strange. i must break thru that beautifully made up shell, or die trying. and that's just the short list...but i digress. no, in the grand scheme, i'm not sure why she holds my attention. she was fairly easy to catch, in the beginning, which usually bores me the quickest. the sooner they crumble, the sooner the debris is swept away, usually. initially, yes, an obligation of sorts. a responsibility to someone, somewhere, maybe myself even...a debt to be paid. now...? i don't know. i don't love her. so what else is there? Mood: distracted... Music: chopin preludes and nocturnes

	2001.12.29  20.49 is this food listing boring? of course it is. but then again, i flatter myself to think this journal is anyone's entertainment beyond occasionally mine. besides, this exercise seems to be serving its purpose. so far i feel it illustrates my point, that yes, i do eat a normal amount of food. it also reveals my alcoholism, but that's no surprise.... today so far: egg and cheese biscuit, coffee (skim and aspartame), 1 papadum, pickings from a meat/veg assorted Indian appetizer platter, a vodka with sugarcane juice, a serving and a half of house special biryani, the barest taste of her lamb tikka masala and coconut soup, an Indian bloody mary, and 3 gin and tonics (though i'm not done drinking yet). kiana is having a very small (6 people) party tonight....should be interesting..... i'm thinking of wearing my new cheongsam and a tailcoat. but probably not for long.

	2001.12.28  23.18 for today: guava margarita (they didn't have prickly pear today....pout...), small serving (10-15?) of tortilla chips with a sweet pineapple pepper salsa and a hot grilled vegetable salsa, fair sized serving of chili cheese nachos (maybe 15 to 20 chips heaped with toppings? we split a huge platter coverered in Beantown Chili but barely made a dent in it), 1/2 of a beef and cheese empanada, a grilled chili cheese dog with onions (Cincinnati Chili this time), a glass of cheap yet tasty white wine, and 4 tequila shots. also, i did not throw all of that up afterward.

	2001.12.28  12.38 lunch date... ...apparently blackhaired bosie is insisting he is going to take me to lunch today. according to him, because of my financial situation, i'm always the one taking other people to lunch, and i should be taken out for once. he's right, i suppose. now that i think about it, i don't think that anyone has ever 'taken me out' anywhere. she has had me over for dinner and lunch, but that is always food she's made. not that that is bad. it's usually quite good. i'm not sure of my point. anyhow, so he's insisting on taking me out; which is strangely exciting in a way. of course, i hope it's not from any misplaced emotional residue from having spent xmas here. i invited him because, why spend the night with two beautiful girls if you can spend it with two beautiful girls and a beautiful boy? besides, it is always prudent to invite drug dealers for the holidays. they give the best presents. i digress. i am debating what sort of restaurant i would like to go to, for my first ever 'lunch date'. i think he'd appreciate the tequila selection at that mexican place in washington square, and they do have my favorite prickly pear margaritas. mexican is a bit heavy though, and who knows what we'll do afterward. there's also that gorgeous japanese restaurant at coolidge corner with the shoji screened private booths... regardless, nothing to list at this point for my food diary, as i've not eaten yet. does that make me anorexic?* *rhetorical. of course not.

	2001.12.27  23.54 a score to settle.... today marks the first entry of a week long 'test'... (provided i can remember to do it and stick to it, of course, which is debatable.) she made a case this morning for the belief that i am anorexic. i say this is untrue, that i simply have a high metabolism and eat no more or less than anyone else, and am just naturally skeletal. of course, looking into anorexia among males, it does seem i'm in a high risk group demographically speaking, so who knows.... so. we are putting this discussion on hold and both making daily accounts of the types and amounts of food we eat each day, and after a week's time, we'll continue this little discussion and compare. i figure that i will make my listings in here, as that's easier than trying to keep track of a piece of paper for 7 days. so today: 4 glasses of 2% milk, a serving (maybe a cup? maybe 3/4 of a cup? henceforth 'serving' will mean 'large ladleful' or similar) of creamed tuna over pasta, 2 coconut clusters, a butterscotch walnut square, a serving of baked beans with ground beef, 1 small biscuit, 4 glasses of spring water, and 5 gin and tonics.

	2001.12.26  18.36 we spent christmas at my house, in front of a fire in the parlor with a couple of other people, a friend of hers named kiana (who apparently is a contortionist of sorts) and one of my nasty habits i call bosie (the black haired, twentysomething bosie, not that new blond barely-legal bosie). they arrived on christmas eve and didn't leave til just a few moments ago... she did wind up convincing me that a tree was required, which we'd had brought into the parlor and decorated with purple ornaments and lights. i'd made sure the bar was stocked with some extras like egg nog and spices, and bosie turned out to be quite the whiz at cocktail concoction. bosie fancies himself a bit of a musician, so i taught him the easy portion of a couple of fourhanded piano pieces. we left the case closed on the kawai, and rasa and kiana climbed onto it for a little show while we played. delicious. snow falling would have been an improvement, but you can't always have everything, can you? i must purchase a new rug for in front of the fireplace, however. the persian is a bit too scratchy. and i must look for a new source of recreational powders. bosie i believe might have started cutting things a bit too heavy with the additives.... regardless, it was a surprisingly lovely holiday, perhaps the best i can recall since childhood. soon i must wake her...we're going dancing tonight at the Usual.... Mood: recumbent Music: some castrati sounding boys choir holiday crap

	2001.12.22  13.52 how i love these introspective question-lists... this one is courtesy of bigteacup... 0) Do you write (besides journaling)? not at all 1) Have you ever had a favourite pair of socks? as a child i had a pair with ducks on them that i apparently loved... now i wear mostly striped socks, but no single pair stands out in my mind as better than the rest... 2) If you could change one thing about your life now, what would it be? hrm. i suppose i could list all sorts of grand sad things regarding my parents, or J., or Mr N., or G.... but those are all things that are technically about my life in the past, which only still relate to my life now because i continue to think about them and allow them to affect me... so, if i could change one thing about my life now, i'd engineer another liaison for she and i with N....our first one wasn't enough. 3) What were you like in high school? pathetic. depressed. needy. conniving. runty. rather good at botany. often beaten up by bigger boys. manipulative. sexually and pharmaceutically experimental. lonely. expelled. 4) Do you have pets? no. unless you count occasional Pit Rats. 4.5) If so, what are their names? i can't be expected to remember that, can i? 5) What is your favorite book? i'm hard pressed to choose a favorite... of the books i've read in the past few months, i've enjoyed chuck palahniuk's invisible monsters most fictionwise, and a bio of edie sedgewick in the realm of nonfiction... 6) Do you eat tofu? only if seasoned &/or fried... 7) How is your relationship to uncertainty? uncertainty is titillating, and for me, quite constant. 8) Do you re-read memorable entries when you're bored (like me)? not when i'm bored, no. i do reread sections of mine and others' journals when i'm surfing this site, but usually because i am interested... 9) What is your opinion of the desert? it's a facinating ecosystem but i wouldn't want to live there. 10) Who are the most important people in your world? my attorney, my accountant, my maid, and my girlfriend. 11) Have you ever been to Canada? several times. enough to know that the quebecois are most tolerable when their mouths are doing something besides bitching in french... Mood: pensive Music: Social Distortion -- Sick Boys

	2001.12.21  13.43 'tis the season... it happens every year, but for obvious reasons, it's far more prevalent this year than others previous.... people keep paying all this lipservice to 'peace'...talking about how they want peace on earth, world peace, peace for mankind, etc etc etc. i found myself thinking about it today, and i realized that such a thing might as well be impossible. peace cannot coexist with zealousy. it is all well and good for people to make comments to the effect of, 'live and let live.' how many times does one hear something like, "I have my beliefs, and other people are welcome to have theirs. I won't force mine on them if they don't force theirs on me." and perhaps quiet, personal, solitary belief or faith works for some. for many. i'm not sure...i have no faith in anything beyond myself and thus i find it hard to comprehend the passion people exhibit about their abstract beliefs. but i digress... there will always be those for whom personal beliefs are not enough, or so it seems. if one gets caught up in a belief system (whether it be religious, political, moral, spiritual, etc), if that belief system takes primary importance, how long until s/he gets the idea that others need to be preached to, brought round to the 'right' way of thinking, saved, or punished for their stubborn adherence to some other way of belief? that is what makes a zealot, and that is the root of conflict on any grand scale. there won't be peace in our time, peace for all time, peace on earth in any grand sense as long as zealousy remains. that said, this is a terrifying time to be 'abnormal' in American society. granted, i can think of far worse times in history, but that's tangential to this discussion... Americans are becoming mouthfoaming patriots. Americans are becoming such mindless flagwaving drumbeating fifetoodling i-love-a-parading zealots that i fear the possibility of persecution of fellow Americans who perhaps simply don't have the burning need to decoupage the country's flag all over their car or office windows, or mummify their shrubbery in red white and blue christmas lights, or put on a striped sweater and some starred trousers and run berzerker down the street carolling the Star Spangled Banner. i'm sorry, i do appreciate the freedoms i have in this country, and the rights i am afforded by our democracy. however. i can walk 2 blocks from my home and sit and share a sandwich and a cigarette with dozens of homeless people, yet their fate is ignored by our government, chalked up as 'their own fault,' a problem of their 'lack of self-motivation' and not a social disease from which our country suffers. yet, ironically, that same government still cares enough about my consensual private life to criminalize 90% of what i do in my bedroom. while this disparity exists, you won't see me flinging a patriotic bunting off my widows-walk, pinning a cocakde to my lapel and buying up America the Beautiful sheet music... today in the ATM shelter i picked up a newspaper put out by our local police department, the Callbox, which updates citizens on information such as when snowplows are scheduled for their streets, who to call about tickets or citations, where various roadwork is happening, etc. this issue had some supposedly comforting and reassuring editorials from the Captain and Sargeant about the current political and social climate. the Captain's address featured the following comment: "What we need today are more everyday heroes, who by example will live their lives in a normal, calm, and reassuring way." what is living one's life 'normally', and how is that heroic? i hear statements like, 'our diversity is our weakness' being chanted right alongside litanies about our 'freedoms' and our big beautiful melting pot land that we love, and i fear for myself, and for the people i know that are like me...

	2001.12.10  00.30 surveys and tests... ...useful for character analysis i suppose. interesting to read? i've no idea. this one is from the mysterious underwaterthing 1. Who was the last person you yelled at? a random taxi driver 2. Who was the last person you kissed? that girl in the bedroom 3. What was the last memorable book you read? the book of five rings by musashi 4. When did you last dance? i'm not sure...perhaps in the parlor with rasa some time recently... i think i recall doing so.... 5. What's the last thing you want to hear from your parents? considering they're deceased, anything would be an improvement on the present... 6. When did you last go for a walk in the park? i go for a walk in the park nearly every day. 7. When did you last do your ironing? i don't. i pay someone else to do it. 8. When was the last time you smiled all day? all day? i've never smiled all day, that i can recall. that seems like hyperbole. 9. What color of socks do you normally wear? black and white striped... 10. Did you ever attend a private school? good god, yes. 11. Do you like stuffed animals? only if it's sage and onion stuffing... 12. Have you ever smashed pumpkins? do i look like billy corgan? (egad, i hope not...) there is apparently no #13... 14. Can you quote shakespeare? If we shadows have offended, Think but this, and all is mended, That you have but slumber'd here While these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, No more yielding but a dream, Gentles, do not reprehend: if you pardon, we will mend.... 15. Do you like playing baseball? no. 16. Are you a neat freak? yes. 17. What is the worst injury you have ever given someone? physical, mental, or emotional? 18. Do you ever eat lemons plain? sometimes. 19. Have you ever fired a gun? yes. in school once for a unit on firearm safety. 20. Do you own any knee-high boots? of course. 21. Are you attached to extreme people? indeed. 22. Do you like swimming in lakes? no. i don't swim. 23. Have you ever streaked at a football game or any other public event? that's an interesting idea... perhaps then i should answer, not yet. 24. What is your favorite gemstone? opal 25. Have you gone on many blind dates? i don't generally go on what i'd call 'dates'. i've had liaisons with people i'd not met before, if that's the gist of the question... 26. Has someone done something extra nice for you? see my entry a few days back about the barfight. 27. Did you have a crush on any of your teachers? that's putting it mildly. 28. Have you ever been lost in a bad part of a city? no. i know my way around the bad parts of the city quite well. 29. Would you rather have a mint or fruit flavored gum? fruit, of course. 30. Do you have road rage? i don't even have a driver's license. 32. Do you ever eat food right out of cans or jars? only when stoned. 33. Has your mind ever gone blank? yes, for several weeks, i'm told. i don't remember the time in question. 34. Have you ever met anyone interesting at the laundromat? i send my laundry out to the cleaners. none of the delivery people are at all interesting. 36. Are you kind? not in the least. 37. Would you give a needy person the shirt off your back? i've no idea. needy people usually only ask me for spare change or swigs from a bottle in a bag. 38. Do you have any beanie babies? good god, no. 39. Would you rather be hot or cold? cold 40. Is the glass half full or empty? depends on what the glass contains. 41. Do you exercise or work out regularly? does sex count...? 42. Could you kill if your life was threatened? if i wanted to, and had the means to.